Followed by Love
Stalking Behaviour Among Tweens: what kids and parents can do
Body language speaks volumes, particularly to unwanted attention. All teens should know how to repel unwanted advances, long before they become physical.
While it's flattering and can be seen by many parents as cute, Love Puppy behaviour is a chilling trend in tween life. More disturbingly, the trend involves as many girls stalking boys as there are boys stalking girls. Watch for the signs, take them seriously and act.
No child should ever deal with this alone, but often parents minimize the risk involved in being followed by someone so young, so nerdy, so persistent... so needy. This makes it hard for tweens to be aware of how disturbed it is.
Recognize Stalking Behaviour
- frequent phone calls, many in a short period of time
- following: home, from home to school, to other activities
- hanging around: outside the house, after school, at lockers, outside activities
- online obsessing -- FaceBook and MySpace shrines to the victim, declarations of undying love, persistent instant messaging and cyberstalking
- a gross willingness to be humiliated in order to become acceptable to the beloved
- standing too close, particularly from behind
It is vitally important to understand that even brief eye contact is encouraging to these needy people. Yes, they need a lot. It is not a child's job, nor is it within a child's capacity, to meet the profound needs of these people. It is not possible for any victim of stalking to meet the needs of the stalker, and victims must be discouraged from trying.
Stalkers do not understand tactful avoidance as a request to be left alone. It is not possible to stop them subtley or without hurting their feelings.
Turn Them Off -- 5 steps to take before it goes too far
- never answer any question with anything like a 'yes' answer -- avoid the question, ignore it, change the subject -- anything that will avoid saying anything like 'yes.'
- face away from the stalker: shoulders and feet turned away are powerful body language -- avoid eye contact
- do not voluntarily touch them and do not lean toward them
- freely use 'rude' behaviour, like shouting 'go away' or 'no' loudly and directly at them
- tell an adult who understands the gravity of the situation and request their direct involvement -- threats of legal action may need to be made before the persistence fades
If It Goes Too Far
- take it seriously --this can become very dangerous very rapidly
- enlist the assistance of everyone possible -- friends, big brothers and sisters, adults from within the school, church or family; let everyone know this person is not to have any access to the victim or any contact information; chaperone until the persistance stops
- block the phone number or monitor the line
- internet -- remove pictures and ask friends to do the same, block comments from FaceBook and MySpace, change email addresses, block sender and unknown instant messaging contacts; report abuse to websites, they care, too
- document what happens (time, date, incident) and report it to the police
It is vital to take this seriously when tweens complain while giggling uncomfortably about a classmate's unwanted attention. Parents can help kids handle this problem before it becomes a tragedy. Tweens that don't find out how to deal with this are at risk, but twenty-somethings who don't know what to do about the unwanted advances of practiced and disturbed stalkers are in persistent mortal danger.
Love Puppies are cute, briefly. Then they're disturbing, shocking and quite dangerous. Stop them.
